loosing my marbles June 23, 2008

i feel like my world is crashing down around me. i made the decision to surrender steve to the SPCA. i know it is for the best and he will be happy with another family. then my mom was in the hospital with a severely increased heart rate for 5 days last week. (130 sitting down normal is like 60-70 i think, so her heart was racing at almost double the normal rate while she was immobile.) i took alorah to the vet for her yearly check up. she has a tumor on her ribs/lungs. top all that with the fact that keaton is an eating machine, i feel like i get no rest and when i do, all these other issues plague me. i feel like i am missing out on summer or richmond. i see everyone’s flickr accounts and all the hangouts that i would have been at, and it bums me out. i dont want to say that i would rather be with keaton (in the grand scheme of things) but i would never regret missing a hang out because of him. still, it is very lonely.

rainy days March 8, 2008

tonight is one of those sit at home and curl up on the couch with your girl.  by girl i mean the best dog ever, Alorah.  she makes the coldest rainy days feel like summer.  so we are watching some netflix movie i got (the girl in the cafe), and all of the sudden keaton goes crazy.  to describe what it feels like to feel  your child moving inside of you is near impossible.  i hope that all my friends will get to experience it, if they want it.  so i am laying there, on my side of course, and all of the sudden i see my side jolt out.  then i see movement run along my side and toward my belly button.  ok.  to feel your child move, indescribable.  to see your child moving around..CREEPY.  but you can’t help but to smile.  i just wish he was more active around my friends.  dennis could seem to care less when keaton is on a rampage..but i know my friends would get a kick out of it.  i will have to do a log of active times so that i can let everyone see what insanity goes on in my tummy.  i am telling you, i swear he is going to scratch his way out in a top hat and cane singing “hello my baby”…..

the master vs. the rookie February 28, 2008

another day, another Dr.’s appointment.  I am at week 28 now and getting bigger by the minute it seems.  the good news is that i only gained 1 pound since my appointment 4 weeks ago, the bad news is that Keaton is growing rapidly.  the nurse practitioner said, oh he’s going to be a big boy!  not exactly what you want to hear when you know natural birth is the way you are going to deliver.  so, i had to drink this glucose drink and wait a hour and then have blood drawn.  step 1.  empty bladder..i must say that i have become a pro at peeing in a cup.  in past months I’ve gone into the OB’s office knowing that my visit would start out with me peeing on the majority of my hand as i position this mini dixie cup in the line of fire…but my last 3 visits..all net..not a drop elsewhere but in the cup where it belongs! step 2. drink this grotesque glucose drink.  it said fruit punch..it tasted like a thawed freeze pop..all syrup..oh and there were 12 disgusting ounces i had to get through before it was all over.  step 3. wait..and wait and wait.  i go into the office with the lab and immediately go over to the table where magazines are kept.  y’all i though Jane went out of business and they were going to stop making that magazine..but to my surprise the February issue…aaw crud..did it say 07′ or 08′..must research.  step 4.  once you have made it through the wait and have finally gotten the taste of fruit syrup out of your mouth, time to have blood drawn.  you would think that it would get easier..no the opposite i still feel like a rookie like each time is the first and all the nerves and panic shake me.  now i feel nauseous from the drink, starving because i had to fast, but now some lady is about to stick me and take another 4 vials of my blood.  (last time i had this done, i could hear my blood empty into the vials..i thought i was going to die..and the lady said..try not to listen to that I’m almost done..ugh)  i hop up and am told i will find out my results early next week, and am sent on my way.  good morning Gianna!

Time goes by. February 12, 2008

so i when i found out i was pregnant, i wanted to use this to talk about my pregnancy among other things.  time passed and here i am in my 25th week and getting pummeled by Keaton.  other than his brain issue, Keaton is growing normally and things seem good.  i have had a few health problems, mostly dealing with asthma and the added weight taking a toll.  i feel very alone, though i know i have tons of people who care about me and who are very supportive.  i don’t know how to ask for help when i need it most, and asking that of dennis is the worst.  i have never felt like i depended on anyone, so its hard to start thinking that way now.  i cant say that i’m making the effort, because i feel like a constant burden to those around me.  Keaton and Alorah are the only stable things in my life.  those things, that no matter what, i will always be grateful for and will look to when things are at their worst. 

In the begining… August 20, 2007

Here goes nothing.  I’m not sure why I am starting this journal of sorts…probably so i can look back a few years from now and see who I was and where I’ve been and what not.  My blog is called feats of strength, because those who know me know that I have overcome and struggled with a life that no one should have to endure.  I am proud of how strong I have become despite these hurdles.  I have a positive out look on life and humanity, despite the fact that I’ve been shown the worst humanity has to offer.  While some of my posts may be material and circumstantial, I never thought I would have a (mostly) wonderful life..filled with great friends and great opportunities.